Commission blues

It sits on my easel, in shades of blue, and elicits a daily quota of sighs. Some are listless, most are downright depressed.

I swear to myself that one day I will be confident- or successful, does confidence come with success?- enough not to have to endure this horrible exercise in creative frustration. The curved horizon is a problem apparently, but I’m not far enough into the work to be able to give that particular suggestion the middle finger… I feel stifled, controlled, stopped in my flow.

To think I was excited at the start of it- a trade for a painted lounge, a long neglected form of avoiding the pitfalls of a cash oriented society; my hippy alter ego proud and singing songs of peace and liberation.

Until the demands set in. No not like that, more like this, must work with coral red wall etc etc . I’m told by more assertive artists that I should stick to my guns or rather my brushes, and provide a clear message of what you get is what you get- trusting The Artist to get it right without questioning or interference. But hey, I want the client to be happy, and tell his friends, so I’m willing to compromise. There’s always my more serious work to express  my unique genius with, I try to console myself.

Still I rebel against the external censorship.  I wonder if my students feel like this when I comment on their  work.

I should count myself lucky that there’s no urgent deadline to this deal, but on second thought it would force me to make decisions and just get on with it- stoicism can also lead to liberation! Go Wall Street go. I’ll take my cue from you Bravehearts all over the world and march on.

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gathering momentum

As summer approaches in the southern hemisphere, my creative counsellor aka The Boyfriend nudges me yet again to take another step towards a long-missing acknowledgement: That I am, in fact, an artist with a voice. A voice that needs to share, encourage, explore, and heal. We are all to some extent suffering from a lack of confidence and self-belief, and nowhere can that be more poisoning than in the creative fields. Yet the power of others’ creative achievements has propelled me forward countless times, as has their critical input towards my own art. Hence my decision to enter the web community, so that I may become a more fully functioning participant in that beautiful exchange of energy which has the potential to change the world, one artist at a time.

 

“Diaz Point” Oil on Canvas 1998

Artist: Silke Berens

Diaz Point is at the coast of perhaps the most desolate town in the whole universe: Lüderitz was built on the discovery of diamonds in the desert at the end of the 19th century; today it has a small fishing industry and some offshore diamond mining vessels keeping it alive. I spent a few years living there, entranced by the feeling of complete exposure to the extreme elements existing between desert and ocean. That’s me on the rickety old bridge fighting the constant, merciless wind…

For more info on Lüderitz, please visit:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/L%C3%BCderitz